Bill Wang - Week 8 - The Pizza Index
The Pizza Index
According to the ancient archives, legend has it that in the late 20th century, a newly appointed divination medium would descend upon the world.
Red stars are visible in its visage, and its body is one of glittering fields of gold. Below the gold lies a sea of blood, viscous in thickness, but so pleasant in the smell that the lesser-willed man cannot help but wish to walk over and drown themselves. The object lies flat: a perfect sphere in two dimensions, but barely visible in three. It is born in a prison of flame and stone but is released into the world to run amok by human greed. But its reign is not eternal. It is doomed to die an agonizing death: to be dismantled by an army of hands; to be shredded and split in chunks of flesh to flesh itself and steel; to watch itself become consumed and cannibalized by its parents, its creators, in an inevitable outburst of madness and gratification.
(https://www.dominos.com/en/pages/order/menu#!/menu/category/specialty-pizzas/)
Anyways, according to my calculations, people like eating pizza.
This includes busy people, like politicians, and honestly, after long hours of sitting in a seat, listening to someone talk all day long, and then raising your hand once a week, a 13.99 Cali Chicken Bacon Ranch, available at the closest Dominoes to Capitol Hill is a great survival food.
The more governmental workers are forced to hole up, the more pizza they consume. In 1989, just before the U.S. invasion of Panama, pizza deliveries to the Pentagon doubled. In 1991, a D.C. pizzeria reported a huge spike in its sales just before Operation Desert Storm was launched. In 1998, after the Lewinsky story was released, the White House broke its own three-day record for pizzas ordered $2600 in orders. Later in the year, Capitol Hill (most likely due to the beginning of the Clinton impeachment) shattered its three-day record, ordering $11,600 of pizza. The correlation is simply a factuality.
Sadly, it seems that the Pizza Index hype is dying down. Perhaps it is censorship from the deep state, preventing its citizens from knowing the truth. The relevancy death of the Pizza Index represents the death of democracy itself, and the rise of tyranny. Without the Pizza Index, how will the American people protect themselves? Must we watch as our country becomes a depraved shell of its former self? In the future, when all of America is a withered skeleton of what was nature, beauty, and freedom, will we look back to the "good old days:'' to the time when the Pizza Index still protected us?
As I take a bite of my pizza, a tear rolls down my face.
Perhaps only time will tell.
(more at: https://slate.com/human-interest/2016/07/the-pizza-meter-was-a-staple-of-1990s-pop-pseudoscience-we-should-revive-it.html, https://www.deseret.com/1998/12/19/19419452/plentiful-pizza-orders-prove-d-c-s-in-crisis, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/special/clinton/stories/pizza121998.htm)
Hi Bill! I genuinely enjoyed reading your blog post his week due to its creativity. From the deeply metaphorical description of a pizza in the first paragraphs to the ironic description of what politicians do all day, your writing was full of humor. The second paragraph has a poetic feeling to it, and the clever comparisons you made between the sauce of the pizza and blood, or the spherical shape in two dimensions but flat shape in three helped add to the feel. Calling an oven a “prison of flame and stone” is awfully reminiscent of Hell, and it really adds light to your portrayal of the violent process we call “cooking.” Honestly, I would not have been able to tell that you were talking about pizza if the title and image did not contain pizzas—either way, that introduction was truly attention-grabbing. After the second paragraph, there is a clear tone shift in which you begin describing what the pizza index is and why it matters, though the importance of the pizza index is humorously exaggerated. On another note, the conclusion has a similar poetic tone to the introduction, creating a sense of completion in the blog.
ReplyDeleteBill!! The vivid imagery you employed to introduce your topic was astounding. I felt as if I was transported into the narrative of this ethereal being “born in fire and stone,” whose story only ends as it meets its demise in the hands of hungry humans. And just as I found myself so immersed in the pizza narrative you painted, you pulled the “anyways” line. I appreciate your artful choice to abruptly transition from an intricate opening to the casual phrase that takes up paragraph 3. The humorous and satirical tone you managed to incorporate within the imagery and historical information you provided made the piece really enjoyable. The connection you drew between increased pizza consumption and moments of political tension, such as that of the US invasion of Panama, made me chuckle. I never anticipated that twist in your blog. Despite its humor, however, that’s an oddly intriguing thought— I can’t help but wonder the chain of thoughts that led to such a conclusion. Nevertheless, your connection is undeniably logical. It’s understandable that pizza, as a comfort food, could provide stress relief for individuals, including those in power. Perhaps, the act of sharing pizza in itself serves to foster a sense of solidarity amidst chaotic times.
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