Emily Gan Week 2 - Breaking Into a New Path
“The apple doesn't fall far from the tree'' is a phrase that haunts me. When asked “Who is your hero?'', people often reply with “my dad” or “my mom” but I never understood that. Sadly, lineage is your identity whether you want it or not; the way your parents impact their community is the way you are seen too since everyone believes children are just mini versions of their parents. Sometimes this is a good thing, there are plenty of wonderful parents who raise their children to be just like them, and those people are usually the kindest out of anyone. On the other hand, having to raise your own parents just for them to tell you their bad habits stem from you is infuriating.
My dad often tells me that I look like my mom: same facial shape, body type, and height. Hearing that, I cringe. I do not want to be a splitting image of my mother: short-tempered, quick to judge, always playing the victim. Nor do I want to be like my father: self-centered, petty, short-fused. Despite being surrounded by bad influences, it is no excuse to be a bad influence yourself. Choosing to break into a new path rather than the one your parents have already shown you, takes awareness and dedication.
As I grew up I became more and more aware of the contrast between my parents and my peers’. When I would reason back to my dad that his actions did not follow his words, he would quickly apologize. But then not even a day later he would break his promise again. Behavioral habits are an addiction, you fall back into it without dedication. When talking to my mom, she always assumes you are trying to tear her down; in defense, she raises her voice and anything you say gets twisted into what she wants to hear. Asking her to calm down, gets you defensive comments such as “I didn't mean it like that” or “I only did it because you did it first”. I believe my mother has a kind heart but she always twists your words to make herself right. When unaware you can never change.
I strive to be the opposite of my parents' flaws: a kind understanding person that my friends can rely on. Although I still carry a part of my parents with me. By cherry-picking their good qualities and blending them with my own, I hope to be the best version of myself.
I like how instead of adopting your parents’ flaw, you acknowledge them to choose the type of person you want to be. It is clear that you are consciously choosing your identity, not letting the rest of the world tell you who you are or how to act. I relate with the worry of inheriting certain traits that I do not like about my parents, feeling the urge to be different. The interesting thing is that our own parents probably felt the same, trying to raise their children the way they wanted to be raised. I worry about over-adjusting or not changing enough for my children’s sake. We are all human, making mistakes even with good intentions. Anyways, even though lineage has a large influence on our lives, I love how you suggest that life has so many more factors. Your identity is not a replica of the people before. We are unique and always change because that’s what makes us human. I’m glad that you acknowledge the difficulty in changing behavioral habits. Not only do your words show empathy for your parents, but it also demonstrates your commitment to self-betterment. I admire that your vow to be the best version of yourself is not from outside pressures but from your own desires.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I’m sorry that you have been surrounded by bad influences your whole life but I love that you are trying to be the best version of yourself by consciously practicing your parent’s good qualities. The negative qualities that your parents possess could be because of factors from their early life, such as how their parents or families acted. It is natural for kids to pick up their parent’s behavior because that’s what they’ve grown up with for most of their life. Despite this, your awareness of your parent’s bad behavior and your conscious effort to not pick up those habits is very inspiring, as it is a challenging thing to do. I love how you emphasize that you are your own person and not an extension of your parents which is something that I can deeply resonate with. My mom is a dancer, just like me, so I used to always be in her shadow, especially when I was younger and less experienced. I longed to have my own identity and to be known for my own qualities, which is similar to how you want to be perceived, separate from your parents.
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ReplyDeleteI like how you choose the phrase "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" as something that haunts you. That phrase may sound positive or negative sometimes, but typically, it is used in a negative manner. I feel like the concern about becoming your parents is a big fear for many people, myself included. It's not that you don't want to be like your parents, but more like you don't want to have certain traits that you might not like, such as when they shout or scold you. I agree completely when you say that without awareness and dedication it is harder to be different from your parents. Your parents are always around you, and you really cannot do anything about it. It's especially hard because like you said, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" where society sort of just judges who you are or who you will be using your parents as an example. I agree that behavioral habits are kinda like an addiction. It's one thing to want to change, but ACTUALLY changing is a whole other story. I recently saw a cartoon where a policy maker (or some sort of political leader) asked "who wants change," and everyone raised their hand. However, when they asked "who wants TO change," everyone stopped raising their hands and acted all confused. I admire how you want to be "a kind understanding person" that your friends can rely on, even though you may be going through some stuff at home. As for the idea of cherry-picking your parents' good qualities and blending them with your own, I think that's a great idea. People aren't always 100% original anyways. Most people are just a blend of the qualities of the people around them, and also some of their own.
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